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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24371758">Calculation Theme</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scapegrace74/pseuds/scapegrace74'>scapegrace74</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Metric Universe [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outlander &amp; Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:28:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24371758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scapegrace74/pseuds/scapegrace74</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a second ficlet in the Metric Universe, which is a modern AU in which Jamie is a firefighter, Claire is a nurse and medical student, and they live together in London.</p><p>As with the first ficlet, this one was inspired by a Metric song which shares a name with the title.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Metric Universe [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Calculation Theme</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An irritated sigh sounded from their shared desk beneath the drafty living room window.  Jamie was balancing his cheque book, and was in a foul mood as a result.  The autumnal waves of his hair were arranged in tussocks by the frequent passage of his fingers.</p><p>Even with both of them gainfully employed, the cost of living in London was daunting.  Neither of them owned a car, and their professions demanded proximity to his firehouse and her hospital.  Combined with her medical school tuition, and the cost of keeping food in the fridge and the bill collectors at bay, there was precious little left over each month.  Hence Jamie’s current mood.</p><p>She took a sip of her tepid tea, and was immediately seized by a coughing fit.  Several minutes passed in a dizzy fugue before she could focus again.  She read Jamie’s concern in the tight brackets of his shoulders.</p><p>“Ye’re still sick,” he said needlessly.   She didn’t bother responding.  They both knew her night shifts at the hospital combined with the long hours and stress of her final year at medical school meant she was sick more often than she was well.  It was the price she paid to chase her dream.  One of the prices.</p><p>“Ye’re sick.  I’m tired all the time from worry.  I dinna remember the last time we spent a night out t’gether.  And t’has assuming I could afford tae take ye anywhere but the nearest chip wagon.”</p><p>She knew Jamie spoke out of concern, that he did not mean it as a reprimand, but exhaustion left her nerves thin and patience torn.  Defensiveness rose up like a third body between them.</p><p>“Well, I’ve good news then, lad.  I’m in line for a tidy raise, once I complete my exams and start my residency.”</p><p>It was a skillfully placed incision, worthy of a future surgeon.  She’d cut Jamie exactly where she knew it would hurt the most: his damnable outdated masculine pride in being a good provider.   She braced for his predictable outburst, shame cresting over her in a hot wave.</p><p>Instead, he stood and looked out the window in silence, which was somehow worse.  She placed her tea, forgotten, on the second-hand coffee table and tried to come up with words to suture the damage she’d caused.</p><p>“Some days, I dinna recognize my life,” Jamie said, leaping ahead of her thoughts.  “There’s no horizon here.  Jus’ row after row of ugly buildings, stretching out in a grid tae infinity.   Everything’s a number: how many ‘ours tae go til ye’re done workin’, how few quid ye ‘ave left tae yer name, how many stops on the Tube tae the market, how many wee pills ye take tae keep a bairn from comin’...”  He broke off, realizing he’d said more than he meant.</p><p>She approached quietly, palm coming to rest on the quivering mutiny beneath his flesh.</p><p>“It’s the life we both chose, Jamie.  To serve others.  To strive for better.  To carve out some little space between those things for our love.  Are you saying you want something different now?”  </p><p>She was glad they weren’t looking each other in the eye, or she might not have been brave enough to give these tiny words voice when they could end everything: the snowflake to start an avalanche.</p><p>“I dinna know what I’m sayin’, Claire.  Only that I’m the kind of tired tha’ sleep canna mend.”  His shoulders rounded as he dropped his chin to his chest.  She’d never seen him so beaten.</p><p>“You do understand that this is only temporary, right?  That it’s for the best?  I’ll finish school and winter will end.  Maybe we could head up to Lallybroch at Easter.  I know nothing makes me appreciate my life in the city more than watching Ian and Jenny work the farm from sun-up to sundown,” she tried for levity.</p><p>“I understand none of those things,” Jamie responded, missing the joke.</p><p>“What can I do to help?”</p><p>Jamie finally turned towards her, and the pain in his eyes made them icy as an alpine lake.  She reached up to cup the ridge of his jaw.</p><p>“Can ye hold me t’gether in yer arms, Sassenach, til I’m able tae do it myself?”</p><p>“Always.”   She wrapped herself around his torso, so strong and yet so vulnerable.   They stood there, swaying ever so slightly from side to side, as the world outside the window faded away to nothing.</p>
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